Well I do feel that God spoke to me recently, last Saturday, during the anticipated mass. The day’s gospel was about The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16). It will sound lame, but I did empathize with the disgruntled workers, because I’m such a square and self-righteous person myself, always chasing after what is “fair” and “equal”, or even “equitable”.
But the priest impressed upon me how indeed the gospel was not about being fair, but about how the Lord is so very kind and generous in how he gives. And how we, too, should not be so obsessed about getting the right slice of the pie, but to simply be grateful that we have any pie to eat at all.
The gospel hit me not as the pie-eater, but as the pie-slicer (or baker, however you wanna view it). As a boss, I’m very particular about giving employees what is exactly due to them, and extra careful not to give too much to any one, for fear of being seen by others as “unfair” or having favorites. Worse, I realized that I oftentimes hold back giving, for fear that the act of generosity or kindness will be misinterpreted as a “company standard”, or set a precedent for similar scenarios in the future.
My mom, on the other hand, is a complete opposite. She gives without asking. She shares her time, her knowledge, and whatever treasures she has. She gives until there is hardly any left for her. Sometimes, there is really nothing left for her at all.
It’s just so unfortunate how her generosity has been abused, and now she is jaded and even more cautious than me when it comes to giving.
So Jesus spoke to me that day, and reminded me not to give a sh*t what other people think when I feel like giving. The world is too full of evil to have anyone put kindness on hold. There’s too much to be afraid of, to worry and cry about, to run and break down from, for anyone to edit-out generosity. I see the sadness everywhere I go. I am witness to the insecurities people have, resulting from a shortness of love and compassion. And with so much pain in this world, how will I be able to live with myself if I don’t exert any effort in trying to at least scrape off some of this pain?
I realized I must not limit the love I give away. If others feel that there is a limit to the compassion and understanding that we give to people who seem so undeserving of such love, then I’ll let that be their stand.
Meanwhile, I have a heart and hands of my own, and I am free to use them however I want.
Capping off with this Natalie Merchant song that never fails to overwhelm me with gratitude.
