Day 0: The Long Haul

The title of this entry intentionally refers to both the flight and all the preparations leading up to this trip. 

The opportunity has been waiting, but it’s only after three years that Miel and I are able to grab it. I’m not complaining, because it’s actually happening. The long wait is over, and its culmination, after all this time, only sweeter. The hype built by our dear friends has made the anticipation stronger:

It’s a lot of firsts: My first time in Europe. Our first long-haul flight together. Both our first time in France and Switzerland.

Experiencing new things together is always a chance to learn something about each other, no matter how mundane. In particular, I wondered, ano kaya gagawin niya sa eroplano habang naka-upo ng 12 hours? Will Miel really watch four movies straight like what he said he did when he flew to Greece the last time? Because I, for sure, am going to easily sleep through it all! Ang lalim ng thoughts ko, no? Haha!

The funny thing was, I did not sleep through the entire long-haul flight. Miel ended up watching more movies than me (as expected), but I actually watched one movie and struggled a bit to doze, so I started on my book and played Zuma on the airplane screen. On the eating front, he surprisingly chose the fish option while I took the meat. He ate my rolls because I ate his salads. He didn’t bother ordering anything alcoholic, while I finished a small container of red wine to help myself fall asleep.

And that’s what I love about traveling. Discovering the big and small things about the world and other cultures, at the same time, coming to terms with one’s own perspectives, preferences and habits. 

Will France take my breath away as a thousand other people say it would? Will witnessing this old, highly-developed nation make me love my own country more (or less)? How will my new experiences influence my way of thinking and relating with others? The excitement is finally here!

Why Do I Believe?

They say kids are so very impressionable.

Now that I'm 30+ years old, I affirm this with much more confidence compared to 2 years ago, or 5 years ago, or even more than 15 years ago. Year after year, as I get older, the more I come to terms of how much of "me" I am is a result of what has influenced me growing up.

I was around fourteen years old when I first read about atheists, and how their lives are less easier than theists', because of the fact that they have no higher being to run to. Twelve years later (congrats, you did the math!), I am still considering that statement, and ran into this article, Without No God Where do Atheists Turn In Times of Crisis?

I have no plan of addressing the article head-to-head. Call me a coward, but my unwillingness is honestly due to my unpreparedness to argue on a topic as fundamental as this. I'm simply jumping off the article because I myself once made a long list of theories/questions for myself (meaning: private), on "Why Do I Believe (in God)?", which went something like this:

Why do you believe?
Do you believe simply because you were taught to believe?
Because you grew up believing, as a result of your parents telling you to believe?
Because you were brought to church every Sunday, and when you went there, everyone just simply appeared to believe?
And as you grew older, everyone you met — from your schoolmates and your neighbors to your officemates and acquaintances — they all believed?

The questions spilled out briskly, like a thread spool unraveling, and my fingers managed to drum over 500 words in far too short a period. And reading the atheist article now just made me wonder -- how far along have I gone in my own belief? While I may not be ready to properly respond to that article, have I at least gone far enough to respond to the very questions I myself wrote three years ago? 

Armed with faith, I daresay, here's where I am now:

Yes, I do believe that I believe firstly because I was taught to believe.

But believing, I've come to understand, is not simply declaring His existence, but actually having a relationship with Him. So just to be clear, let that now be my definition of "believing".

That said, why do I believe? Because I am indeed surrounded by awe-inspiring personal accounts and testimonies. Because I've indeed watched and heard and read so many stories, there’s no reason left for me NOT to believe.

Furthermore, I've not only watched in TV or YouTube or heard testimonies during service. I believe because I've come to personally know many people who were truly changed, on account of their belief. People who never in their wildest dreams thought they could even change. And the change -- it came in different ways.

Some were sudden, some seemed to drag on for years. Some were eager and resolved to change when God touched them, some met Christ unexpectedly. Regardless of personal readiness or duration, the changes always shook their worlds, for the better. (Yes, for the better. But it was never painless, because God never said a life of following Him would be without struggles!)

I believe because life is more beautiful when you believe. (Such a losing argument for non-believers, I know!) Life is teeming with goodness! I experience nature, consciousness, art, music, beauty, love! There are mysteries, miracles, un-explainable occurences. There is darkess, yet there is light. There is pain, yet there is joy. There is suffering, yet there is peace. We can be lost, but we can be found.

What are these but His purposeful creations? Or are these really just particles in collision? Major accidents and grand coincidences in the movement of matter that just so happen to happen minute-by-minute, all over the world?

Going back to the impressionable 14-year-old in me, I am not afraid to admit that yes, one of the reasons I also believe is because I really don't know what to do if don't. I don't know where else I'd turn to, what kind of hope I would cling to, if I never revived my relationship with God.

I am amazed how atheists how can rely 100% on human control and capacity. I don't know. Maybe I don't know enough of them to understand better. Still, my personal experience determines my own belief, and reaching a point of hopelessness in my life led me to my own belief. And when there were no immediate answers that can be found anywhere, He was able to quiet the storms in my head. He kept me at peace, and remained my strength and refuge. He sustained me.

And because He first loved us, who else can compel us to love others with as much fervor? Who else (or what other thing) can energize us enough to live a life that serves, cares for, and forgives even those who hurt us? Finally, I believe because His character is one without comparison, a perfect model for us to to try to follow. 

Who else will teach us to carry a positive, grateful attitude amidst life's tests and challenges, and encourage us to look far beyond the current pain? Who else will teach us not to retaliate towards our aggressors, and to instead treat them with gentleness and respect? Who else will teach us discipline and righteousness? Who else will teach us to love unconditionally, and how it is to really make a sacrifice? We can never fully emulate Him, but while we're here, His ways are the best ways to live a good life.

I know none of what I said would provide proof or tangible evidence of God, nor did I give any logical argument for his existence. That was not my objective, anyway. This is simply me rebutting against my younger self, and if I were the judge, I'd say I've made some progress. I guess I can also say, to put it all simply, I believe because I choose to believe.

2 Corinthians 5 : 16-17 (NIV)

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

*****

What a breakthrough it is to write this! Am so grateful for the service at CCF Commonwealth this morning, led by Ptr. Tom Roxas. The message was about God's Compelling Love, and I believe God touched my heart to start and to "persevere" completing this blog post, which I've long wanted to put together.

Ptr. Tom also said it was "Global Missions Sunday", therefore the church had two guests, which was a such an eye-opener. The guests were Vin and Sean, missionaries from Vietnam and Malaysia, respectively. They shared about how Christians were being prosecuted in their countries, and they requested for our prayers for more workers, unity of churches in their country, changes in their governments, and for all prosecuted believers. Our hearts and prayers go out to them.

Reflection on Salvation

I've been reading up on the topic of Salvation since December, and found how it's one of the main contrasts between Roman Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity, (or referred to in an umbrella term as "Protestantism" when I was growing up).

The difference is stark, as summarized by several websites. But in my humble understanding, the Catholic belief is that "good works" AND faith are required in order to be saved, whereas Protestantism teaches us that we are made right with God apart from our works. Meaning, because of our faith (alone) in God's grace, our honest-to-goodness relationship with Him will inevitably yield good works, and we will be saved.

So that's that. It wasn't really anything new to my ears. Furthermore, the Internet articles are secondary resources in my opinion, so I decided to set aside the argument until I can get some facts straight from actual scripture. (Because I got college-research-paper-citation-training-like-that).

Not long after, I came across this verse, Philippians 2:12-13 NASB:

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

The key words being "work OUT" your salvation, and not "work FOR" your salvation. Which points to how we have really already been saved, and how salvation is not something to be worked FOR :)

It also emphasizes how God is continually at work within us. He knows the desires of our hearts. All we need is the discipline and to do our part, so that His work will be completed in us.

I especially found it interesting how, even in the NIV and HCSB bible versions, the translation of "work out" is retained and never paraphrased. In NLT, it is translated into "work HARD"...but never ever working FOR.

***

Couldn't I start with a less-controversial topic?

Fortunately (or unfortunately), this was the reflection that stuck with me far enough to reach my Blogspot dashboard, so it must be important to carry the blogging out, for my own well-being more than anything.

I guess you can say this is me diving in.

Live for the Moments

Why are moments best when they come unexpectedly?

Like a present concealed in pretty wrapping paper, momentous because you've long accepted that birthday gifts are a thing of childhood.

Like a sunset and cool breeze on a hectic work week, allowing you to pause, breathe and remind you that you're more than your daily routine.

Like sitting in a theater and not knowing what you'll watch, and having the dialogues, the set, the sounds fire up your senses.

Like a string of songs that you actually know playing on the radio; one after the next, as if someone cued the whole soundtrack to your adolescence.

Like bumping into an old friend; unplanned, you rush out of the conversation, but the quick exchange leaves your heart overflowing.

Like dreaming and working and planning, and while you're so busy building your life, someone takes you by the hand and lays the world open before you.

Like a breakthrough that only YOU know, the kind that can only result from the conscious decision, everyday, to keep working at it 1 million times.

Like a split-second of inspiration that draws out into an hour, into days, into years.

One that sends tingles down your spine, and catches you smiling by yourself like a madman.

It leaves you with that teeny, tiny bit of grit.

Those small, fleeting moments.

Though far and few in between.

They make this 700,800* hours worth living.

- - - - -

*Average number of hours in a lifespan according to this website
**Post inspired by my impromptu late afternoon coffee break with my favorite non-human

A Different Indulgence

I shut my eyes, trying to pull out the right words from my vocabulary closet, but each shelf just seemed short of stock. We were given ten minutes to write a headline, and eight minutes through, my broken paragraphs were riddled with strikethroughs and arrows.

My thoughts kept jumping from my unfinished paragraph, to the exercise instructions, to the tips given in the past 5 hours, then back to the messy Cattleya sheet in front of me. Before I knew it, the ten minutes was up. I fell victim to the all-too-common compulsion to overly self-edit.

I felt pretty bad to not finish, mainly because I wanted to subject myself to the critique of the workshop facilitators. But as several classmates read their headlines to the crowd, the pointers I picked up proved equally applicable to my own mistakes.

Such as creating the distinction between merely describing a series of activities versus really lighting up a vivid image in the reader’s mind. Using short, punchy sentences to make a clear and striking statement (ouch, this one really hit me). And always challenging yourself with the question, “WTF should I read your article?”

These, among many other lessons, were what I took home from the Travel Writing Workshop by Writer’s Block Philippines. Theirs was one of the top results when I Googled for writing workshops in Manila, and one month later, I am a proud recipient of a certificate. More than that, I left the auditorium carrying a bundle of inspiration to just keep writing and – who knows – maybe make a decent career out of it! (Guys, they say dream big, diba?!)

Dreaming big starts here!

Being QC-born and bred, my life revolves around this retracted national capital. Then ever since I started working in Quezon City, and later on, my husband as well, I had fewer reasons to brave EDSA and C5. I tended to coast within my comfort zone, which is, ironically, the “killer highway” that is Commonwealth Avenue.

But this particular Saturday, a fellow QC-buddy obliged me on my invitation to cross cities for an afternoon of learning how to write. Being the QC-girls that we were, we wanted to maximize our “road trip” to The Fort and decided to drive out earlier. The workshop wasn't scheduled until 1pm, so our day began at 10am by checking out the street art put up as part of The Bonifacio Arts Foundation’s (BAFI) ONE Festival.

Now I hardly know anything about street art. But I suppose that’s why initiatives like these are so important. How else are we to know that such a scene even exists if these works are not put in highly-visible places? How can we appreciate all the hard work that is put into creating these murals, if we only see them in pictures? Because it was one thing to see them on my social media feeds, and another to really stand in front of them and take in the details. The sheer size of some of them is enough to blow you away.

Artwork by Nate Frizzell (1 of 3).  His real-life looking characters are located on the walls of  the High Street shops, this one beside the glass window of ROX.

Artwork by AKA Corleone.  His bold and bright images surely bring life to this dead 28th Avenue parking lot wall (near Muji).

Artwork by FAILE. Their huge collage of mass culture icons can be found on the wall of One Global Place building, corner of 5th and 26th Avenues.

Artwork by Cyrcle. That's me running to take my picture under this huge, intricate man from outer space, at the wall of Icon Plaza building, corner of 7th and 26th Avenues.

I laud BAFI for this effort. It may take a while before public art becomes a priority of land property developers, but through baby steps like these, I do hope more Filipinos gain an appreciation for it, so that more street artists are given proper credit for what they do.

So did I mention that it was a day-long field trip? After my friend and I drenched ourselves in sweat on the sidewalks of BGC, we had our lunch and travel writing workshop, which ended at 6pm. The last stop for the day was at Christ’s Commission Fellowship (CCF) Frontera Verde, Pasig City, where we sat in on an Apologetics discussion group.

To those not familiar, Apologetics is a branch of Christianity that deals with defending the faith through a more rational manner, usually through historical evidence and philosophical arguments. The “life verse” – or the go-to verse for inspiration and direction – of CCF’s Apologetics group is 1 Peter 3:15 from the Holy Bible which reads,

"But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence."

That evening, the group was on the topic of church abuse. They discussed possible ways to defend Christianity against the criticism it has on abuses that happen within the community, or how to react to a person who has lost trust in the faith due to church-related abuses.

What I found most reasonable out of all the opinions thrown around is the position that we must always look to the character of Jesus Christ. If a person claims to be of supposedly-solid Christian faith, particularly church leaders, but does not act in accordance with Jesus Christ’s character, then the error is not in Jesus Christ or the Christian faith, but in how that person follows (or rather, fails to follow) the faith.

We cannot expect a man, even if he is a prominent figure in the church, to fully represent or to be an embodiment of the all-perfect Jesus Christ, because he is only man. And man is of sinful nature (Romans 3:23 NIV: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God), with tendencies to falter.

A person who abuses is not doing a sinful act because s/he is a Christian. He does it because s/he is a sinful person, as all of us are.

In a more practical illustration, we cannot expect one man to represent an entire church. I would look at it, simply, as never generalizing one man to exactly represent the thoughts and beliefs of all the members of whatever organization s/he belongs to.

Needless to say, there are a lot more nuances to this heavy topic. But a few hours of actually discussing it was enough to shed a little light and provoke other suspicions, and that always gives doubts a better chance of being addressed, than not being discussed at all.

At the end of the day, I realized that that was what our field trip was all about. What started out as a simple agreement to rouse our interest in travel writing ended up as a day-long indulgence on things that stirred and challenged our curious brains.

The result is a memorable day of pop culture and literature, of Instagramming and jotting notes (just like we were back in college!), and of expanding our circle of comfort a wee bit bigger.

I think that makes the trip outside of QC worth it.

Falling for Jane the Virgin

It's been too long since I've written here. Never seemed to find that perfect intersection of "NON-WORK/CLIMBING TIME" and "INSPIRATION". Sure, sometimes, admittedly, there IS time...but it's impossible to push words out when it's the inspiration that's lacking, right? ;)

Fast forward to today and we recently discovered Jane the Virgin. Okay, disclaimer: If you're not into over-analyzing and prying into a girls' brain as she makes sense of life out of a telenovela-type TV show, then stop reading right now.

But Jane entered our lives unexpectedly. Those who know me know that I hardly watch TV. We have a TV in our bedroom that I clumsily operate on a very occasional basis. When Miel is out of town, the TV never goes on. The last time I touched the remote control was over a month ago because I wanted to listen to music, and streaming a YouTube video on it was my only way of getting on-demand music (I'm no Spotify Premium user).

Ah, back to Jane. So it's a sitcom that apparently started airing in the US about a year ago, and we got our hands on the first eight episodes. I won't get into too much detail about the show because that can be easily researched, but what one needs to know is the premise of how Jane is this Latina daughter of a single mom who had her life setup "according to plan". She was perfectly on track in her life, about to finish with college (with a very-practical teaching degree) and with a boyfriend who loves her (and they were going towards the next steps of engagement > marriage > family), UNTIL she was accidentally inseminated with a rich (hot) guy's sample, thus making her a pregnant virgin. So the premise is pretty telling of how ridiculously funny some parts of the show can be (come on, accidentally, artificially inseminated?!)

Maybe it's how light-hearted the show is. Maybe it's how adorable the rich (hot) guy is. Maybe I'm relating to Jane's passion for writing which I (somehow, sometimes) have and never pursued. Maybe all the pregnancy worries makes me reflect about my own decisions of having a baby. Maybe I'm overwhelmed with "real-world" problems and the show's a perfect break off it.

Maybe -- and most likely -- it's just the typical effect of TV shows where I enjoy living vicariously through the characters, knowing that I'll never have that kind of life, yet still trying to draw inspiration and lessons from what they're experiencing...YES...while being fully aware that I'm trying to learn from people in a TV show even though I'm in the real world. Hahahahaha.

Nonetheless, it provides a good escape. Jane's a nice female character and I find her drive, enthusiasm and positivity as awesome traits to aspire to. She's (Gina Rodriguez) probably the first actress I started to follow on Instagram and it's cool how you can do that now with celebrities you like, and you get to see them "behind the scenes" and what they do outside the show (darn, that statement makes me feel so old!)

But it's so true, how media and access to information is so different now. Because I of course googled the rich (hot) guy on the show, and learned that the actor is Justin Baldoni, and he was apparently more of a filmmaker than an actor before Jane the Virgin, and that he had this wedding proposal video to his girlfriend that went viral a few years back, and that we share the exact same birth date (YEP, down to the year boys and girls!), and he follows the Bahai faith. And now I'm googling about the Bahai faith, and again I'm learning something new outside the world of Christianity that I was fully brought up in...

So if good role models, open-mindedness, honest conversations and feel-good-vibes are the measure, I'd put Jane the Virgin up there with my favorite TV shows.

And Jane, come on, JUST MARRY RAFAEL!!!!!!! (Sorry, we're just on Season 01, Episode 16).

Fairness vs. Generosity

As I was driving home, thinking about the work week that has passed, I could almost hear my dear friend asking me in about a week’s time: “How did Jesus speak to you recently?”

Well I do feel that God spoke to me recently, last Saturday, during the anticipated mass. The day’s gospel was about The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16). It will sound lame, but I did empathize with the disgruntled workers, because I’m such a square and self-righteous person myself, always chasing after what is “fair” and “equal”, or even “equitable”.

But the priest impressed upon me how indeed the gospel was not about being fair, but about how the Lord is so very kind and generous in how he gives. And how we, too, should not be so obsessed about getting the right slice of the pie, but to simply be grateful that we have any pie to eat at all.

The gospel hit me not as the pie-eater, but as the pie-slicer (or baker, however you wanna view it). As a boss, I’m very particular about giving employees what is exactly due to them, and extra careful not to give too much to any one, for fear of being seen by others as “unfair” or having favorites. Worse, I realized that I oftentimes hold back giving, for fear that the act of generosity or kindness will be misinterpreted as a “company standard”, or set a precedent for similar scenarios in the future.

My mom, on the other hand, is a complete opposite. She gives without asking. She shares her time, her knowledge, and whatever treasures she has. She gives until there is hardly any left for her. Sometimes, there is really nothing left for her at all.

It’s just so unfortunate how her generosity has been abused, and now she is jaded and even more cautious than me when it comes to giving.

So Jesus spoke to me that day, and reminded me not to give a sh*t what other people think when I feel like giving. The world is too full of evil to have anyone put kindness on hold. There’s too much to be afraid of, to worry and cry about, to run and break down from, for anyone to edit-out generosity. I see the sadness everywhere I go. I am witness to the insecurities people have, resulting from a shortness of love and compassion. And with so much pain in this world, how will I be able to live with myself if I don’t exert any effort in trying to at least scrape off some of this pain?

I realized I must not limit the love I give away. If others feel that there is a limit to the compassion and understanding that we give to people who seem so undeserving of such love, then I’ll let that be their stand.

Meanwhile, I have a heart and hands of my own, and I am free to use them however I want.

Capping off with this Natalie Merchant song that never fails to overwhelm me with gratitude.